I want to make a zoo with you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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