who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
