Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
