i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
