I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
