i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry about my life...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
