he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
