i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
