well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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