They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
