Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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