Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
