Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
