hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
