God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
