***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
