I murdered the dance floor call the cops
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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