i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
