I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
