i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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