apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
