I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
