Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
