peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
