and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
