oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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