i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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