just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
