the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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