Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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