i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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