Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
