i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
