those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize