I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
