Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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