Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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