These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
