were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
