I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
