"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
