I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
