I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
