You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
