remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
