My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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