i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
