I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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