i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
