Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
