yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
