new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
