just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
