Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
